14 June 2020 - I call this drawing "Perfection".
I grew up with a mother who introduced herself to me and my brothers as the personification of God on earth. She called herself perfect.
At times it is difficult to imagine what that period was like. There was disbelief in the beginning. Awe too. There was resistance and there was faith at the same time. A twelve-year-old is not just critical of his mother. You take things. You would like to be your mother's big son.
Although I was always resistant, there was also a doubt. Wanting to meet that perfection. Wanting to be perfect myself. There were questions.
When I was fourteen or fifteen years old, I thought I was the son of God. It clashed with another reality. School, society ...
I gradually became a rebel at home. Resisted that imposed truth.
I call this drawing "Perfection". As always, it has become a self-portrait. You can see my breathing. You feel the restlessness as the drawing progresses. You read the changing shape in every line.
Close by you see diversity, difference. Further away, a pattern and you have to search for the differences. But trust me they are there.
This is perfection for me. Living with imperfection. Accepting and ordering all deviation from a standard that I couldn't even define.
Paper: 594x420mm - 160g/m2,Marvy® UCHIDA Pen for Drawing: 1.0, Brush